1 + 1 = 3

A Weird Equation...

What scares/slows us to live as a couple ?

That commitment would be synonymous of losing freedom ?

Personally, I've never been a huge fan of the all commitment thing, and I loved making the choice of living on my own and I completely accepted it. Yet, when I met someone and when the "commitment door" opened, I dived into it without realizing I was.

Where the fuck were my reason and mind at this time ? Present or too busy choosing the "perfect outfit" to seduce him during dinner at the restaurant ? I don't know. And today I'm walking on the other side of the road. The one with all the couples.

Lots of people think that living as a couple means losing our freedom.

I think they're mistaken. Completely. Although, I understand where does the fear come from.

What scares us is to become 1, forget ourselves. To forget our own identity, to become just a couple, at the cost of two distinct identities. And therefore, to forget we can still live things on our own, without the so-called soulmate/half/alter-ego. The implicite scary idea is that the love story we're in may last for a long time, like a lifetime or something like that. We imagine we're going to miss some stuff. But what could we miss ? We have absolutely no idea; so that's absurd.

However, we have to keep paying attention because there are two kinds of not-to-become couples (and those two kinds can often get mixed up): 

- The one when the man/woman absolutely loves and approves everything the woman/man does/loves because he/she loves her/him. She'd come back from the hairdresser with a ridiculous hairstyle and he'd say "no sweetheart, I swear I love it. It's easy if you love it, I love it." -- OMG, SHUT UP !!

- The one called "WE", when both partners only speak with the first person plural. Both of them can't consider themselves as an individual and henceforth only exist as a couple: "We did this", "We loved that" -- OMFG, KILL ME NOW !!

Why couldn't we preserve the wealth of difference of opinion, of points of view that "being a couple" offers ? Why, on the pretext that we're living together, should we combine our opinions to only make one in the eyes of others ? To show that we're well and truly close and that we come together as one ?

That's impossible, it'd be too stupid. And yet, I believe that most of the couples of our society fell into this trap, because a couple is only real in the eyes of others. It is real only if, in front of it, there is someone to testify its realness.

- Copyright Slim Aarons -

So, being with someone to come together as one, okay, but as long as we remind that before all, we are unique. Well before being united to someone.

We can love someone but don't be silly or blind !

Let's shade the "I'll love you till death do us part, no matter what happens blablabla", please !

Let's dare the honesty of "I love you, it's wonderful but don't get carried away, let's wait and see..." [No ? Am I too cynical ?!]

I'm not going to give you all the exemples but if one day one of the partners becomes disabled, we have to admit that it may be problematic and it's the kind of thing that requires hell of a strength to cope and live with it over time...!

I'm just asking for a little less hypocrisy in that dream:

Women version: "Honey, let me get sure you won't become a first-class homebody, a beer in one hand (and the belly that comes with it) in front of TV, because I may crave the 25-year-old digital marketing intern if you do"

Men version: "Sweetie, you were tremendously beautiful when you were pregnant, and maternity suits you down to the ground but now you gave birth, maybe you could try Pilates, couldn't you ? I'm just saying because my young secretary subscribed recently and it looks pretty cool..."

I feel like if we can find someone to say this to, and stay with him/her, the relationship will be healthy... And it seems like it's a good start... don't you think ?